Procrastination

Why do we procrastinate so much? Why do I? Why do I put off things? For days now I've been looking at the mess in my house, but I'd rather sit on the computer playing on Facebook. That's not rational. I hate cooking in a messy kitchen so instead I spend money on eating out. Again - not rational. WTF? What's wrong with me?

I have a great idea for a romance novel, but I cannot get the words written down. I hate writing detail; I just want to get the story down. So instead, I sit and stare at the blank Word document with the story playing like a movie in my head. Why can't I get it out?

I have no answers; only complaints. I'm so afriad I'm going to miss out on something online, whether it be about Gerry or anything else, that I dont' get up and clean my house. Okay, I hear it . . . I see it . . . that's just obsessive and stupid. I've always been the one being left out of things as a kid, and even sometimes as an adult, so I have this "thing" about being left out, being the last to know, etc. That's my problem, and like my friend Cheri tells me, I shouldn't paint the world today with the brush of my past. I have to let that go.

I'm also not exercising. That's not good, either. I have lost weight since Christmas, and I know I can do better - lose as much weight as I can by July. That's my goal. But am I doing anything about it? Nope. In fact, I ate cheddar cheese flavored Ruffles yesterday. Bad bad girl! They're so good, though. LOL Well, I got on the scale this morning and I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any, either. I can live with that - but not for too much longer.

The only one who can change all this is ME. I have to find that place inside myself that says it's okay to see new pics of Gerry later; they'll be there. It's okay to chat only a few hours a day and not ALL DAY. It's okay to take care of myself, my house, my spirit and my body. So, how do I get there?

By just doing it. It doesn't come magically. You can't pray and have the motivation be magically in you. It's already there; it's just a matter of digging deep enough to bring it to the surface. Allowing yourself to put the important things first. I think we as woman naturally don't take care of our needs, and even when someone like me has the kids out of the house, it's a hard habit to get into. I have to make the time.

I do get up on most Tuesday and Thursday mornings and do yoga with my friend Julie. It's really good for me to do that, even though I abhor getting up at 6:00 am. I have to get back to doing pilates, and I know I don't eat right. I dont' think I eat enough good calories. I don't munch as much (that was hard to type) as I used to, but I have a Top Raman for lunch everyday. LOL Not healthy calories. But CHEAP.

So, hopefully this weekend I'll try to get myself into a pattern and routine of taking better care of myself and my home, and I know that Gerry will be there waiting for me on the computer. So will my friends - who will want me to have a better and healthier lifestyle anyway.