It's been a long time since I've written. I have been wrapped up in other things that have taken me away from writing, and I have to get back to what I know makes me happy. I was blessed last month to meet some great women writers. Romance writers in fact! I was regenerated with the love of finishing my first novel, Lost in Paradise. I have realized that I have to get back to writing my novel, falling in love with my hero (although a real life hero would be welcomed) and identifying with my heroine.
I am now in the process of re-writing the opening to my story. I'm focusing on my hero ... I know it's unconventional but so am I. LOL I need to focus on writing a little bit everyday, even if it's something small. I can't lose sight of this ... it's my future; my life. I'm not a teacher by nature, but I am a dreamer and it's about time my fantasies did something good for me for a change.
So, I hope to meet more writers and connect better with people who share the love of writing and romance like I do.
Onward ....
Lisa
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Potential
Wow - I didn't realize it had been two weeks. Yikes.
So, what's on my mind? Am I living up to my potential? Probably not. Are any of us? I had coffee with a friend recently and I asked what he wanted to do with his life. His answer was "Whatever God wants me to do." And it got me thinking ... what about what YOU want? Do we do the things that WE want in our lives or are we dictated to by society, religion, parents, or whatever?
We have to remember that we make our own reality. There is no one "up there" dictating what we can and can't do with our own lives. There is no one stopping us from living our purpose or following our bliss but US. We all have to find that piece of the Light in us ... that part of God or The Universe that was created right along with us and gives us our power to make our dreams come true.
For example, I want to move to Los Angeles this summer. So, I'm telling the Universe that's what I want. But I'm also going down in a couple of weeks to a job fair. I'm not sitting here wondering if this is "God's will" or not. There's no such thing. It's what I want! I will make it happen. I will find the right job and I will get down there. If this is truly what my heart wants, and I still have to figure out if it is or not, then it will happen. If I decide otherwise, then it won't.
See, we put out vibrations to change our world. Yesterday I felt awful. I was sad and depressed about a life that I thought I could never have. I then wrote in my journal how I WAS going to have the life I want. That I AM healthy, thin, sexy and beautiful; I have all the abundance of life that I could ever dream of; and that I will be loved by the man of my dreams and that he's just waiting for me to find him. It will all happen. There's no man in a flowing white beard sitting on a throne in the Heavens passing judgment or making decisoins for my life. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME MAKING MY LIFE HAPPEN.
Even my favorite actor, Gerard Butler, said about his own life, "What happens is that the universe conspires ... once you make a decision to do something, the universe starts to help you." (Men's Health, Oct. 2008). It's so easy! You make a decision, do the work and the universe helps you make it happen!
You must remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU DESERVE IT! Too many of us are told or think that we're not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, whatever. Bullshit. When you remember that we are ALL children of God, that we ALL have the light inside of us, that every one of us is a perfect and beautiful creation, then we MUST believe we deserve to make our dremas come true.
I will leave you with my favorite quote from Marianne Williamson, and repeated in Nelson Mandela's inaugural speach:
So, what's on my mind? Am I living up to my potential? Probably not. Are any of us? I had coffee with a friend recently and I asked what he wanted to do with his life. His answer was "Whatever God wants me to do." And it got me thinking ... what about what YOU want? Do we do the things that WE want in our lives or are we dictated to by society, religion, parents, or whatever?
We have to remember that we make our own reality. There is no one "up there" dictating what we can and can't do with our own lives. There is no one stopping us from living our purpose or following our bliss but US. We all have to find that piece of the Light in us ... that part of God or The Universe that was created right along with us and gives us our power to make our dreams come true.
For example, I want to move to Los Angeles this summer. So, I'm telling the Universe that's what I want. But I'm also going down in a couple of weeks to a job fair. I'm not sitting here wondering if this is "God's will" or not. There's no such thing. It's what I want! I will make it happen. I will find the right job and I will get down there. If this is truly what my heart wants, and I still have to figure out if it is or not, then it will happen. If I decide otherwise, then it won't.
See, we put out vibrations to change our world. Yesterday I felt awful. I was sad and depressed about a life that I thought I could never have. I then wrote in my journal how I WAS going to have the life I want. That I AM healthy, thin, sexy and beautiful; I have all the abundance of life that I could ever dream of; and that I will be loved by the man of my dreams and that he's just waiting for me to find him. It will all happen. There's no man in a flowing white beard sitting on a throne in the Heavens passing judgment or making decisoins for my life. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME MAKING MY LIFE HAPPEN.
Even my favorite actor, Gerard Butler, said about his own life, "What happens is that the universe conspires ... once you make a decision to do something, the universe starts to help you." (Men's Health, Oct. 2008). It's so easy! You make a decision, do the work and the universe helps you make it happen!
You must remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU DESERVE IT! Too many of us are told or think that we're not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, whatever. Bullshit. When you remember that we are ALL children of God, that we ALL have the light inside of us, that every one of us is a perfect and beautiful creation, then we MUST believe we deserve to make our dremas come true.
I will leave you with my favorite quote from Marianne Williamson, and repeated in Nelson Mandela's inaugural speach:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Procrastination
Why do we procrastinate so much? Why do I? Why do I put off things? For days now I've been looking at the mess in my house, but I'd rather sit on the computer playing on Facebook. That's not rational. I hate cooking in a messy kitchen so instead I spend money on eating out. Again - not rational. WTF? What's wrong with me?
I have a great idea for a romance novel, but I cannot get the words written down. I hate writing detail; I just want to get the story down. So instead, I sit and stare at the blank Word document with the story playing like a movie in my head. Why can't I get it out?
I have no answers; only complaints. I'm so afriad I'm going to miss out on something online, whether it be about Gerry or anything else, that I dont' get up and clean my house. Okay, I hear it . . . I see it . . . that's just obsessive and stupid. I've always been the one being left out of things as a kid, and even sometimes as an adult, so I have this "thing" about being left out, being the last to know, etc. That's my problem, and like my friend Cheri tells me, I shouldn't paint the world today with the brush of my past. I have to let that go.
I'm also not exercising. That's not good, either. I have lost weight since Christmas, and I know I can do better - lose as much weight as I can by July. That's my goal. But am I doing anything about it? Nope. In fact, I ate cheddar cheese flavored Ruffles yesterday. Bad bad girl! They're so good, though. LOL Well, I got on the scale this morning and I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any, either. I can live with that - but not for too much longer.
The only one who can change all this is ME. I have to find that place inside myself that says it's okay to see new pics of Gerry later; they'll be there. It's okay to chat only a few hours a day and not ALL DAY. It's okay to take care of myself, my house, my spirit and my body. So, how do I get there?
By just doing it. It doesn't come magically. You can't pray and have the motivation be magically in you. It's already there; it's just a matter of digging deep enough to bring it to the surface. Allowing yourself to put the important things first. I think we as woman naturally don't take care of our needs, and even when someone like me has the kids out of the house, it's a hard habit to get into. I have to make the time.
I do get up on most Tuesday and Thursday mornings and do yoga with my friend Julie. It's really good for me to do that, even though I abhor getting up at 6:00 am. I have to get back to doing pilates, and I know I don't eat right. I dont' think I eat enough good calories. I don't munch as much (that was hard to type) as I used to, but I have a Top Raman for lunch everyday. LOL Not healthy calories. But CHEAP.
So, hopefully this weekend I'll try to get myself into a pattern and routine of taking better care of myself and my home, and I know that Gerry will be there waiting for me on the computer. So will my friends - who will want me to have a better and healthier lifestyle anyway.
I have a great idea for a romance novel, but I cannot get the words written down. I hate writing detail; I just want to get the story down. So instead, I sit and stare at the blank Word document with the story playing like a movie in my head. Why can't I get it out?
I have no answers; only complaints. I'm so afriad I'm going to miss out on something online, whether it be about Gerry or anything else, that I dont' get up and clean my house. Okay, I hear it . . . I see it . . . that's just obsessive and stupid. I've always been the one being left out of things as a kid, and even sometimes as an adult, so I have this "thing" about being left out, being the last to know, etc. That's my problem, and like my friend Cheri tells me, I shouldn't paint the world today with the brush of my past. I have to let that go.
I'm also not exercising. That's not good, either. I have lost weight since Christmas, and I know I can do better - lose as much weight as I can by July. That's my goal. But am I doing anything about it? Nope. In fact, I ate cheddar cheese flavored Ruffles yesterday. Bad bad girl! They're so good, though. LOL Well, I got on the scale this morning and I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any, either. I can live with that - but not for too much longer.
The only one who can change all this is ME. I have to find that place inside myself that says it's okay to see new pics of Gerry later; they'll be there. It's okay to chat only a few hours a day and not ALL DAY. It's okay to take care of myself, my house, my spirit and my body. So, how do I get there?
By just doing it. It doesn't come magically. You can't pray and have the motivation be magically in you. It's already there; it's just a matter of digging deep enough to bring it to the surface. Allowing yourself to put the important things first. I think we as woman naturally don't take care of our needs, and even when someone like me has the kids out of the house, it's a hard habit to get into. I have to make the time.
I do get up on most Tuesday and Thursday mornings and do yoga with my friend Julie. It's really good for me to do that, even though I abhor getting up at 6:00 am. I have to get back to doing pilates, and I know I don't eat right. I dont' think I eat enough good calories. I don't munch as much (that was hard to type) as I used to, but I have a Top Raman for lunch everyday. LOL Not healthy calories. But CHEAP.
So, hopefully this weekend I'll try to get myself into a pattern and routine of taking better care of myself and my home, and I know that Gerry will be there waiting for me on the computer. So will my friends - who will want me to have a better and healthier lifestyle anyway.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Why I'm A Teacher
Today, I was reminded why I became a teacher. This is my fourth year teaching, and each year I have been blessed with one or two students who have really needed someone to believe in them, or just be there for them. Today, I was shown this years' challenge.
I have a student who, at 17, is now the man of the house. His mother doesn't work, doesn't speak English, thinks that at 45 she's too old to learn. He has an older sister with a baby who lives there; two younger brothers; and two roomates who is living there because they have no place to live. This young man has noone to encourage him. He feels hopeless and defeated. He mentioned how he needs someone to help encourage him - so now he has me.
I explained to him that when he feels like giving up to think about setting an example for his two younger brothers. They need to see that even in the face of adversity, anything can be accomplished when you keep your eye on the prize. I also let him know that because he's sooooo smart (gets 90%s on his science tests!), he has such great potential to go to college, and that there is money out there for him to go. He knows that if he does go to college, he can make a better life for his family and take care of his mother.
The Mexican culture is very much based on taking care of each other. They are not selfish people, and when someone in the family is in need everything is dropped and the problem is dealt with. They have an incredible sense of pride and responsibility; however, too many times I have seen students under 18 feel the burden of taking care of younger siblings and parents. It breaks my heart, and so I try to encourage them to take care of their own education in the context of taking care of their families.
And so, here I am, working part-time, not making any money at all, but I am here for him. Hopefully after our talk today, and he was so grateful to have someone to talk to about everything (he even mentioned that he trusts me and it's good to have that *sniff*), he will be able to re-focus his attention on finishing school, getting his diploma and moving on to college (he's in 11th grade).
So, when we get upset at the standardized tests, the canned cirriculum, and the bullshit that comes from the top down, we need to remember that our students are people too and they come with their issues and problems. Sometimes if we just open up our hearts a bit and let them feel safe, we can remember why we became teachers in the first place. I love my job - I love making a difference. And I love that years from now some of my students will remember me the way I remember those teachers in my educational past that made me who I am today.
I have a student who, at 17, is now the man of the house. His mother doesn't work, doesn't speak English, thinks that at 45 she's too old to learn. He has an older sister with a baby who lives there; two younger brothers; and two roomates who is living there because they have no place to live. This young man has noone to encourage him. He feels hopeless and defeated. He mentioned how he needs someone to help encourage him - so now he has me.
I explained to him that when he feels like giving up to think about setting an example for his two younger brothers. They need to see that even in the face of adversity, anything can be accomplished when you keep your eye on the prize. I also let him know that because he's sooooo smart (gets 90%s on his science tests!), he has such great potential to go to college, and that there is money out there for him to go. He knows that if he does go to college, he can make a better life for his family and take care of his mother.
The Mexican culture is very much based on taking care of each other. They are not selfish people, and when someone in the family is in need everything is dropped and the problem is dealt with. They have an incredible sense of pride and responsibility; however, too many times I have seen students under 18 feel the burden of taking care of younger siblings and parents. It breaks my heart, and so I try to encourage them to take care of their own education in the context of taking care of their families.
And so, here I am, working part-time, not making any money at all, but I am here for him. Hopefully after our talk today, and he was so grateful to have someone to talk to about everything (he even mentioned that he trusts me and it's good to have that *sniff*), he will be able to re-focus his attention on finishing school, getting his diploma and moving on to college (he's in 11th grade).
So, when we get upset at the standardized tests, the canned cirriculum, and the bullshit that comes from the top down, we need to remember that our students are people too and they come with their issues and problems. Sometimes if we just open up our hearts a bit and let them feel safe, we can remember why we became teachers in the first place. I love my job - I love making a difference. And I love that years from now some of my students will remember me the way I remember those teachers in my educational past that made me who I am today.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Mental Illness
I just figured something out. I have been wondering why it is that when people suffer from a physical illness everyone rallies around and is loving and supportive, as we all should be; but when someone has a mental illness, something as simple as depression, it seems that people pull away or get tired of the constant sadness and the depressed person usually ends up alone - thereby making the illness worse!
So, I thought about it and what I came up with is that a physical illness, like cancer (God forbid) is seen as something not in the person's control, whereby mental illness is something we're told to just snap out of. Depression or just about any other kind of mental illness is seen as something under a person's control. And it's not.
I've been watching the Seven Deadly Sins on the History Channel and the sin of Sloth is being discussed. One historian says this, I paraphrase: In the ancient world, descriptions of depression are not accompanied with any particular stigma. But by 400 AD when Christianity became more prominent, the idea of depression as a sin became very prominent.
When the original creator of the eight sins (before Pope Gregory changed them to 7), and listed sloth as two sins (acedia and tristitia), he changed the way society viewed sloth. Mental illness was then seen as a illness of the SOUL - a PUNISHMENT from God. And THAT'S how mental illness became very shameful.
I wish more people understood that no one CHOOSES to live with mental illness anymore than a person chooses to live with diabetes or any other physical ailment. But people with mental illnesses are ostracized by society, and even their own friends.
People with mental illnesses are still seen as just plain old crazy, not worthy of attention and help. When a person who has just had surgery can't move to clean their house or make dinner, someone is always there to help. But when someone who suffers from debilitating depression can't get off the couch to clean or eat right, it is seen as a situation they put themselves in and should just get over and get up and do what they're supposed to do.
Friends and family of people with mental illness should realize that it's just as debilitating to be depressed as it is to have a cast on your leg. The desire is usually there; it's the energy that has been depleted. It's the overwhelming feeling of "what for", "why bother" and "it's not worth it anyway" that causes people who are chronically depressed to let their lives get away from them. It's not a choice; no one would choose to live like that.
Yes, there is medication to help. Absolutely, and just like any other illness or disease, when someone suffers from mental illness they should go to the doctor and discuss it, get medication and therapy. The sad part is, many insurance companies also treat mental illness like it's unimportant. They usually give a person 6 or so therapy sessions, or don't pay for the right medication. It's all the same crap as someone with a physical illness and health insurance (don't get me started on the health insurance industry). And one last fact . . . many people who suffer from a mental illness do not have health insurance.
So, I ask that if you know someone with a mental illness or who suffers from chronic depression, please - be more understanding. Lend a hand more. Talk to them. Let them cry on your shoulder. Everyone needs someone to cry to, someone to hold them when they do. Don't just stand there and ignore it. Make the effort . . . pretend they have a cast on their legs, cause sometimes that's what it feels like. And if it seems like it's not going away, that's because depression and mental illness ISN'T a broken bone. It's a broken brain . . . and that's not easily fixed. It's like having diabetes or cancer . . . and the longer it goes untreated or dealt with the worse it gets.
And yes, it can have the same fatal ending . . .
So, I thought about it and what I came up with is that a physical illness, like cancer (God forbid) is seen as something not in the person's control, whereby mental illness is something we're told to just snap out of. Depression or just about any other kind of mental illness is seen as something under a person's control. And it's not.
I've been watching the Seven Deadly Sins on the History Channel and the sin of Sloth is being discussed. One historian says this, I paraphrase: In the ancient world, descriptions of depression are not accompanied with any particular stigma. But by 400 AD when Christianity became more prominent, the idea of depression as a sin became very prominent.
When the original creator of the eight sins (before Pope Gregory changed them to 7), and listed sloth as two sins (acedia and tristitia), he changed the way society viewed sloth. Mental illness was then seen as a illness of the SOUL - a PUNISHMENT from God. And THAT'S how mental illness became very shameful.
I wish more people understood that no one CHOOSES to live with mental illness anymore than a person chooses to live with diabetes or any other physical ailment. But people with mental illnesses are ostracized by society, and even their own friends.
People with mental illnesses are still seen as just plain old crazy, not worthy of attention and help. When a person who has just had surgery can't move to clean their house or make dinner, someone is always there to help. But when someone who suffers from debilitating depression can't get off the couch to clean or eat right, it is seen as a situation they put themselves in and should just get over and get up and do what they're supposed to do.
Friends and family of people with mental illness should realize that it's just as debilitating to be depressed as it is to have a cast on your leg. The desire is usually there; it's the energy that has been depleted. It's the overwhelming feeling of "what for", "why bother" and "it's not worth it anyway" that causes people who are chronically depressed to let their lives get away from them. It's not a choice; no one would choose to live like that.
Yes, there is medication to help. Absolutely, and just like any other illness or disease, when someone suffers from mental illness they should go to the doctor and discuss it, get medication and therapy. The sad part is, many insurance companies also treat mental illness like it's unimportant. They usually give a person 6 or so therapy sessions, or don't pay for the right medication. It's all the same crap as someone with a physical illness and health insurance (don't get me started on the health insurance industry). And one last fact . . . many people who suffer from a mental illness do not have health insurance.
So, I ask that if you know someone with a mental illness or who suffers from chronic depression, please - be more understanding. Lend a hand more. Talk to them. Let them cry on your shoulder. Everyone needs someone to cry to, someone to hold them when they do. Don't just stand there and ignore it. Make the effort . . . pretend they have a cast on their legs, cause sometimes that's what it feels like. And if it seems like it's not going away, that's because depression and mental illness ISN'T a broken bone. It's a broken brain . . . and that's not easily fixed. It's like having diabetes or cancer . . . and the longer it goes untreated or dealt with the worse it gets.
And yes, it can have the same fatal ending . . .
Friday, January 16, 2009
Are You There God? It's Me, Lisa . . . .
I feel like writing in light blue today . . .
Okay, so I'm wondering where God is in all this. I used to pray all the time. For a year I prayed that my husband would come back to me - cause I was told by many Christians that God hates divorce. What a crock of shit.
So my life is uncertain right now. I don't know what I'll be doing next year for work, I don't know where I'll be living. Do I make the things that I want to happen happen, or do I sit back and let "God" control my life? I don't know what to believe anymore. I have free will. I have a choice. But does God offer those choices or are they just there?
And what about all those unanswered prayers for healing, health, love, broken marriages, sick children, etc.? Are we supposed to just accept "God's will" and not question? I don't believe in Blind Faith. I was given a brain and ambition and drive and energy for a reason.
So who do I trust? Myself? I've made so many bad decisions in my life. Decisions based upon emotion, not logic or reasoning. God? I'm kinda pissed off at the idea of God right now. If there is a loving God who knows my heart . . . there are just too many why's to write.
The future can be exciting and scary. I feel a bit of both. I just don't know if that part of God that's in me is what I rely on or the outside entity of a God on a throne with a big stick.
I guess time will tell . . . .
Okay, so I'm wondering where God is in all this. I used to pray all the time. For a year I prayed that my husband would come back to me - cause I was told by many Christians that God hates divorce. What a crock of shit.
So my life is uncertain right now. I don't know what I'll be doing next year for work, I don't know where I'll be living. Do I make the things that I want to happen happen, or do I sit back and let "God" control my life? I don't know what to believe anymore. I have free will. I have a choice. But does God offer those choices or are they just there?
And what about all those unanswered prayers for healing, health, love, broken marriages, sick children, etc.? Are we supposed to just accept "God's will" and not question? I don't believe in Blind Faith. I was given a brain and ambition and drive and energy for a reason.
So who do I trust? Myself? I've made so many bad decisions in my life. Decisions based upon emotion, not logic or reasoning. God? I'm kinda pissed off at the idea of God right now. If there is a loving God who knows my heart . . . there are just too many why's to write.
The future can be exciting and scary. I feel a bit of both. I just don't know if that part of God that's in me is what I rely on or the outside entity of a God on a throne with a big stick.
I guess time will tell . . . .
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Happy New Year
Happy New Year! So, it's the time for resolutions and promises. So what's my resolution? To change my life. It's time for me to stop living in the past, and in my fantasy life too much, and focus on what life has to offer in my today. Me and the Universe are going to make sure this is the best year of my life. Everything I want and desire will be mine! Love, weath, health - I'll be thin and beautiful! And healthy and strong. This is MY year.
I hope this is everyone's year! I hope everyone's dreams come true, and you all want for nothing!
Lisa
I hope this is everyone's year! I hope everyone's dreams come true, and you all want for nothing!
Lisa
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